Do you think the reason could walk on water was because he was light?

                                                                                                                                                                 GKG

                                                                  Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the 

                                              meat grinder? You could say he got a little behind in his work!

                                                         To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.

                                                                                                         Unknown

                                                                                 Why could the dog float?

                                                                  Because he was a good buoy

                                                              I read an interesting article about Ireland, it said the population

                                                  is Dublin every year.                              

                                                                                                                                Clover Leaf

                                                     The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

                                                                                                                                                    Wilson Mizner

                                                                   Laughter is sunshine; it chases winter from the human face.

                                                                                                                                       Victor Hugo

                                             When Jesus comes back to make a new earth, the materials will be ready, the                                                     first world was also made of chaos.                                  Corrie Ten Boom

                                                 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

                                                                                                                                                                Emo Philips

                                                               Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been

                                                   in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.

                                                                                                                                                    Ann Landers

                                        Some people don't find mountains funny, but I find they are hill areas.

                                                                                                                                                     Dad Joke

                            We only use 10% of our brains. Imagine how much more we could accomplish if we

                       used the other 60%.                                                                                         Ellen Degeneres

                                                    I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular sized 

                                          my muscles are huge.                                                           Jerry Seinfeld

                                                           Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who

                                               sucks at math.                                                                Amber Dusick

                                                 I married for love, but the obvious benefit of having someone around to find 

                                       my glasses cannot be ignored.                                   Cameron Esposito

                                                          We don't believe in mowing the lawn; we do it to avoid unnecessary

                                               engagement with the neighbors.                                        Miranda Judy  

                                     What do dogs do on their day off?  They can't lay around  - that's their job 

                                                                                                                                            George Carlin

                                       Polar bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

                                       Bear says I will have a gin .......10 second pause and tonic. The bartender asked

                                        him why the big pause. The bear says oh I have always had them.

                                                  What do you get when you cross an insomniac , an agnostic, and a dylexic?                                                                                                 Someone who stays up all night wondering or not there is a dog.

                                                  I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

                                                                                                                                           Zach Galifiankis

                                                               Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

                                                                                                              Anthony G.Oettinger

                                                 We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it was not for him, we'd be watching television

                                       by candlelight.                                                                                                    Milton Berle

                                                         Computers are becoming more human like. When a computer crashes, the other

                                               computers slow down to see what happened.

                                                                               What is a janitor's favorite movie?

                                                                                                                                 MOP GUN

                                                                                         That money talks ,I will not deny

                                                                        I heard it once, it said''goodbye"

                                                                                                                    Richard Armour

           There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator and only a fraction of the people find this funny.

                          It was a divine sermon.For it was like the peace of God which passeth all understanding . And like his mercy                               seemed to endure forever.                                                             Henry Hawkins

                                                                          If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?

                                                                                                                                              Marvin Kitman

                                         If you die on an elevator , be sure and push the up button.

                                                                                                                                              Sam Levensons

                     Read a true story about Muhammad Ali this morning. Ali was on a plane about to take off. The flight attendant 

                 told the champ to put fasten his seatbelt. Ali replied," Superman don't need no seatbelt. " The attendant 

                 said," Superman don't need no airplane."

               I had a really rough day yesterday. It was Monday. I do not think I have ever heard anyone say , TGIM. 

            Maybe some poor soul did say it shortly before they perished. I have always found strength in numbers. It

            gives me great comfort knowing that 7 out of 8 dwarfs are not happy.

                                                                                                                                                     GKG

                    I was walking down the street wearing glasses and my prescription ran out.

                                                                                                                                                      Steven Wright

                     What color is the wind?

                                                                  Blew

                       What did the baseball glove say to the ball?

                                                                                                      I'll catch ya later.

                                                                         Me and my recliner go way back. ; ) 

                                                                                                                              GKG

                                              There is a gift that would be perfect for Father's day. His face 

                              will light up every time he uses it. A fridge

                  I have had the idea of starting a new club of people who want to get together and play hide and seek.

              It has been a little tougher than I thought because good players are really hard to find.(wink)

               I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they did not

            change was on page 87.                                                                                                    Steve Martin

          If at first you don't suceed, then skydiving isn't for you.

                                                                                                                    Steven Wright

                    How can you tell if a bloke is Irish or not by watching him laugh?

                    If he is from Ireland, he will be Dublin over.

        My dad worked for Alcoa for over 30 years. Some of his best friends nds were Kentuckians. They all 

traded jokes and made fun of each other. My dad would tell a joke making the Kentuckian out to be a idiot

 and his buddies would do the same with Hoosier jokes. So I grew up with a steady diet of jokes that my dad brought home from work that usually were shared around the kitchen table.

      Often after greeting patients , I ask where they are from. I then usually tell them  a little about my background

and feel is a great ice breaker and a good way to start the exam. I have slipped a few times over the years to do this prior to telling a Kentuckian joke. A half hearted  smile makes me think they have heard my funny before. Once in a while they slip in a comment later about 'down home' and I knew I blew it. It is all in fun mind you but I do wonder if someday they will make

outlaw humor as well. When they do, I'll be an outlaw.

    The one I am about to share is one of my favorites . I have pooled a large group of people over the years who say this is new to them. 

     Q So what amazes a Kentuckian about a swimming pool?

     A For the life of them they cannot understand how those little ropes keep the water from flowing down

      to the shallow end!

              I only know 25 letters. I don't know Y.

         What do you call it when Batman skips church?

                                                                                                 Christian Bale

               A big hairy scary muscular man was giving an elderly man a hard time. The old guy warned the big man his son only lived 5 minutes away . He went on to say that if he called him , his son would come to his aid and would clean his clock in no time flat. 

           The giant said he was not afraid and told him to go ahead  and call his son. The old guy warned him yet again and told him he would be sorry. His son is a dolphin trainer and trains dolphins every day. The big dude said he did not care what he did so please ask him to come right on  over.

           In 5 minutes an average size guy pulls up in an average car. He calmly walks up asks if this is the guy who has been picking on his dad and was told yes. He lit into him like there was no tomorrow! In two minutes the fight was over.The big man was flat on his back bleeding , dirty, and had a broken arm and was groaning and moaning in pain. As the boy was leading his dad back to the car, this is what the big fellow heard as they walked past him.

        '  Dad , for the the last time will you please quit telling people I am a dolphin trainer! I train Navy Seals for a living.'

                                        Babies don't need vacations , but I still see them at the beach.

                                                                                                                  Steven Wright

                                   There are times in life when people must learn when not to let go. 

                             Baloons are designed to teach small children this.        Terry Pratchett

                     Read a true story about Muhammad Ali this morning. Ali was on a plane about to take off. The flight attendant 

                 told the champ to put fasten his seatbelt. Ali replied," Superman don't need no seatbelt. " The attendant 

                 said," Superman don't need no airplane."

               I had a really rough day yesterday. It was Monday. I do not think I have ever heard anyone say , TGIM. 

            Maybe some poor soul did say it shortly before they perished. I have always found strength in numbers. It

            gives me great comfort knowing that 7 out of 8 dwarfs are not happy.

                                                                                                                                                     GKG

                    I was walking down the street wearing glasses and my prescription ran out.

                                                                                                                                                      Steven Wright

                     What color is the wind?

                                                                  Blew

                       What did the baseball glove say to the ball?

                                                                                                      I'll catch ya later.

                                                                         Me and my recliner go way back. ; ) 

                                              There is a gift that would be perfect for Father's day. His face 

                              will light up every time he uses it. A fridge

                  I have had the idea of starting a new club of people who want to get together and play hide and seek.

              It has been a little tougher than I thought because good players are really hard to find.(wink)

               I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they did not

            change was on page 87.                                                                                                    Steve Martin

          If at first you don't suceed, then skydiving isn't for you.

                                                                                                                    Steven Wright

                    How can you tell if a bloke is Irish or not by watching him laugh?

                    If he is from Ireland, he will be Dublin over.

        My dad worked for Alcoa for over 30 years. Some of his best friends nds were Kentuckians. They all 

traded jokes and made fun of each other. My dad would tell a joke making the Kentuckian out to be a idiot

 and his buddies would do the same with Hoosier jokes. So I grew up with a steady diet of jokes that my dad brought home from work that usually were shared around the kitchen table.

      Often after greeting patients , I ask where they are from. I then usually tell them  a little about my background

and feel is a great ice breaker and a good way to start the exam. I have slipped a few times over the years to do this prior to telling a Kentuckian joke. A half hearted  smile makes me think they have heard my funny before. Once in a while they slip in a comment later about 'down home' and I knew I blew it. It is all in fun mind you but I do wonder if someday they will make

outlaw humor as well. When they do, I'll be an outlaw.

    The one I am about to share is one of my favorites . I have pooled a large group of people over the years who say this is new to them. 

     Q So what amazes a Kentuckian about a swimming pool?

     A For the life of them they cannot understand how those little ropes keep the water from flowing down

      to the shallow end!

              I only know 25 letters. I don't know Y.

         What do you call it when Batman skips church?

                                                                                                 Christian Bale

               A big hairy scary muscular man was giving an elderly man a hard time. The old guy warned the big man his son only lived 5 minutes away . He went on to say that if he called him , his son would come to his aid and would clean his clock in no time flat. 

           The giant said he was not afraid and told him to go ahead  and call his son. The old guy warned him yet again and told him he would be sorry. His son is a dolphin trainer and trains dolphins every day. The big dude said he did not care what he did so please ask him to come right on  over.

           In 5 minutes an average size guy pulls up in an average car. He calmly walks up asks if this is the guy who has been picking on his dad and was told yes. He lit into him like there was no tomorrow! In two minutes the fight was over.The big man was flat on his back bleeding , dirty, and had a broken arm and was groaning and moaning in pain. As the boy was leading his dad back to the car, this is what the big fellow heard as they walked past him.

        '  Dad , for the the last time will you please quit telling people I am a dolphin trainer! I train Navy Seals for a living.'

                                        Babies don't need vacations , but I still see them at the beach.

                                                                                                                  Steven Wright

                                   There are times in life when people must learn when not to let go. 

                             Baloons are designed to teach small children this.        Terry Pratchett

 IT ALL ADDS UP

       Often during the course of an eye exam, I ask patients if they like to read. Some like me love to read. 

         Others say they hate reading and never read. I often think to myself if we kept track of every text we send 

         or receive, it would surprise us. Now let's factor in every email we send or receive, and I would bet we all read the                     equivalate of 3-4 books a month!

         Several years ago, I was with a young college student who was on her spring break. She was glad to be home 

          for a week and yet she had some work to do that week as she preparing for finals on her return. I goofed and 

         accidently invented a new praise. I meant to ask if she enjoyed pleasure reading. I said, 'do you enjoy pressure               

         reading?' We both chucked at my error.

         Truth is, I have thought about that conversation many times. I do like to read for pleasure. I have learned many 

         things over the course of my life from borrowing the brains of others. I am hopeful that others may have gained insight           from my words and shared experiences.

         I feel all of us have some forms of pressure reading. It may not be college finals, but perhaps an instruction manual

          to put a child's bike of toy together.  That may not be our cup of tea, but we have to many times because it is required           for work.  I am not forced to read the eye related magazines that come to my house. I take the time to read them as to             allow me to stay up and current with anything from new medicines to new trends in the eye related field.

         Can I be so bold to ask you a question? Why are you reading my words right now? It is surly not pressure reading!

          I am surprised and honored if anybody enjoys my feeble efforts to help fellow sojourners in this thing called life.

          There is a book that is above all books called the bible. It was written long ago by many men with God's hand 

          upon them to help you. If you just, try to read it, God will change you as you do. Put a little pressure on yourself 

          to pick it up and put your phone down.  You will learn about yourself and how much God cares for you. It will 

          make you a better parent, spouse, employee and friend. The pressure will soon turn to pleasure, and it will you more                than anything in this word you can gaze upon. It leaves all earthly knowledge behind in the dust. things you wonder                about will start to add up. You will smile as you realize the heap has led to a leap .... of faith.

                                            If you only keep adding little by little, it will soon become a great heap.

                                                                                                                                                                      Hesiod